The L Word
by Lushcoltrane
Summary: Texting fun. For Jade anyway.
1. Chapter 1 The C Word

The C Word

Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Texting fun. For Jade, anyway.

Note: The first four chapters start with actual mis-texts posted on-line. The fifth chapter's opening is made up as I couldn't find a good example for the situation.

* * *

Tori: Are you packing a sweatshirt? Do you think we will need one?

I'm bringing 2. My cameltoe is huge so I'll just cramming as much as I can in there.

(*)_(*)

O

My camo tote! OMG! That is the last straw with autocorrect!

Jade: The straw that broke the cameltoe's back?

* * *

Jade was laughing out loud at Vega's text. It was so Vega. And so funny, even that stupid text emoticon. _How long did that take for her to make it?_

Then she glanced over at her own large, Army surplus tote bag, a standard olive-drab canvas bag. "A camouflage tote? Seriously? Did the Army even make those?"

That comment reminded her of the cameltoe and Jade was laughing loudly again. It was just so stupid and Vega's reaction was so priceless!

A knock on her door wasn't heard so Jade's mom stuck her head in the door. "You okay, baby?"

Managing to calm herself somewhat, Jade nodded. "Just a text from Vega…"

Just her daughter's laughter was enough to make Valerie West begin to chuckle. Until recently, she rarely saw Jade this upbeat. "So, it was funny?"

Jade just handed her mother her PearPhone. Val scrolled through the text and began to chuckle harder. Before long, she fell on the bed next to her daughter, laughing at the text exchange. When one began to calm down, she'd look at her daughter/mother and begin to laugh hard again.

Several minutes later, mother and daughter were wiping their eyes and catching their breath. Val was the first one to speak up.

Sitting up, she offered, "I haven't laughed that hard since I saw _Caddyshack_ in college. My roommate had the VHS tape and some…weed. I had seen the movie before so I knew some of the dialogue. When Rodney Dangerfield showed up, I started to laugh even before he said anything. The scene where Carl was cutting flowers then caddying for the Bishop, I was laughing so hard, I was afraid I'd pass out. I couldn't breathe, it was so funny!"

"Mother! Weed? I'm shocked! Shocked, I say!" Jade was sitting up with her hand over her heart as she spoke in the voice she used to mock Vega.

The West women both giggled at Jade's mock shock. The confession actually came as no surprise to the Goth. She and her mother got along very well. Much better than any of Jade's friends, outside of Beck, knew. Neither had any real secrets from the other.

"So, Tori's going along on the trip?"

"Yeah, I said it was the gang. She's part of the gang."

"This is the Tori Vega you hate worse than yellow ducks with front-opening bras?"

Jade growled, "Hey! You forgot walking on pile carpeting…

"Anyway, I kinda don't hate her anymore."

"Oh? When, pray tell?"

"Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I hate people who say 'pray tell'."

With an indulgent smile, Val said, "Duly noted. I'll add it to the list…" After a few seconds silence, she asked, "So?"

"Oh, yeah, I was talking…

"Anyway, after she tried to get Beck and I together again, then that stupid cell phone bet…"

Val nodded, she remembered the night her daughter came home after breaking up with Beck at the Vega house. They sat and ate ice cream late into the night. The same ice cream Jade claimed to 'hate'. To be honest, she was glad they broke up. Beck was a nice guy but Val knew he wasn't the guy for her girl. But then they got back together again.

 _Thanks to Tori? I oughta hate this girl. But…_

Jade continued, "The 'yes' bet was the real kicker. I went to her house to get out of having to go with Beck to the races. Idiot even had it wrong – said it was drag racing but it was a standard stock car race. Not even NASCAR, the cheap son of a…"

With a calming sigh, Jade went on, "Anyway, I got Vega to agree to help make a pizza…" Jade started to laugh again but this was her dirty trick laugh. Val had to smile anyway. Jade described the giant blob of dough and the rest of the night, causing both women to start laughing again.

"Anyway, we got back from Hollywood-Bronson and hung out. It was…fun. Especially when Trina came home and… Anyway, we're friends now…sort of. And Cat sort of…forced me into letting Tori come along."

"Forced, huh?"

"Quiet…"

Val laughed. "You do like her, don't you?"

"Well, kinda like a sidekick or…"

Gathering her daughter's hands in hers, Vale said, "Jade, sweetie, it's okay if you like her. Jade. I've seen you really happy recently. If that's because of Tori, I think that's great!"

"But, Mom…"

"But what, Buttmunch?"

Jade snickered, "You haven't called me that in years… We haven't done that routine in…"

Val smiled, "And you've always known it was in fun and with love."

Jade nodded. She was stunned to realize that she really missed that. Not that she'd ever admit it to anyone – ever!

"So, be friends with Tori. Let her come over and hang out here. Let yourself open up some. Or a lot."

"But we're such opposites! You know me, I'm dark and sullen and hate just about everything. She's all bright and bubbly, loving everything. It's sickening."

Val barked out a short laugh. "Jade, friends aren't always alike. You know Stella is my best friend. We have been since grade school. But she's such a hard-core conservative and I'm a moderate liberal. We don't let that get in our way.

"You and Tori could be the same. Good, even great, friends aren't always going to agree."

"Guess it's a good thing we agree on politics…" Jade stated.

"This weekend, when you get a chance, spend some time with her. Just you two. You might be surprised to find you have to admit you do like her."

"God, Mom! Now I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight!" Valerie nodded with a smile. "Not that! Jeez, Mom! I meant I'll be freaking about Tori Freaking Vega."

Valerie stood in the door, and closed it with a knowing "Uh-huh… So what happened with the giant dough blob?"

"So not the point!"

"Okay, so about you and freakin' Tori Freaking Vega…"

"MOM?!"


	2. Chapter 2 The M Word

**The M Word**

Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Things get a little more personal between Tori and Jade. This has some imagery that crosses the line between T and M – nothing too graphic but just a heads up.

Notes: 1) The first four chapters start with actual mis-texts posted on-line. The fifth chapter's opening is made up as I couldn't find a good example for the situation.

2) This is slightly more adult than the other chapters.

* * *

Jade: Hey! what are you up to?

Tori: Just finished masturbating. It makes me feel so relaxed so I can go to sleep easier.

Jade: Awkward.

Tori: Shift! I meant menstruating.

Jade: Not any less awkward.

Tori: OMFG, I meant meditating. And shift… What is wrong with this phone?

Jade: Shift happens!

* * *

"It's a user interface error," Jade said aloud after she finished laughing at her friend's latest texting problem _. The poor girl can't even swear without her auto-correct fixing it._

Still chuckling, Jade turned back to her TV. One of the few good things in October were the horror movie marathons on TCM and AMC. TCM had mainly older movies from the 1960s back to the Silent Era and AMC seemed to show all the more recent horror franchise movies but hardly ever showing the original movies of those franchises.

She settled back to watch an old Karloff-Lugosi movie, _The Invisible Ray_. A classic Universal horror movie from the days when Universal was marketing Boris as simply Karloff. Even as she watched it, marveling at Lugosi being a good guy – even more than his character in _The Black Cat,_ which was on next – she began to yawn.

 _Vega and I stayed up late, watching the one_ , Jade thought. Her mind reviewed the recent trip, Beck and Andre were worn out from hiking and crashed early. Cat and Robbie, with that damned puppet, went to the big bonfire party. She remembered thinking that she hoped Rex would somehow end up in the fire.

That left the two of them to watch _The Black Cat_ on Jade's laptop. She had a bigger model that included numeric keys to the right of the standard keyboard and had a wider screen. She got that model due to the great graphics card so she was able to use it to work on film projects at Hollywood Arts. Although it was getting a little old. She might have to invest in a newer model, maybe with more RAM, before she started film school at UCLA next fall.

That evening, she pulled out the bottle of Jack Daniels she brought along. She and Tori made Jack and Cokes to enjoy while they watched the old horror movie.

 _Who knew sweet, innocent Sally Peaches could drink? Not that we got drunk or anything. Just a little buzzed. Buzzed Vega is funny as shit too!_

But, oddly, only one particular comment came to Jade's recollection.

"Ya know, when we were all blonde for Beck's movie… You looked a lot like Emma Stone. She's pretty hot!" Tori slapped her hand over her mouth, "Oops! I di'n say tha'…"

 _Actually, I guess Tori was a little drunker than I thought._

That memory replayed itself again and again. Jade realized that Tori had been gazing at her beforehand and only dropped her eyes when she admitted that she thought Emma Stone was hot.

 _Not that she's wrong. I just like Stone better as a redhead._

That night, they didn't say much else before Tori crawled into her bed and began to lightly snore.

Jade hadn't really thought about that since that night. Well, not much. Definitely not every night…

So now, she couldn't get rid of the image of Tori Vega masturbating. _It's disgusting!_ She thought. Then she tried to watch more of the old scifi-horror movie as an irradiated Karloff tried to kill the members of his expedition.

Hard as she tried – thinking of Karloff's first appearance as the Monster or Tawny Walker Black disemboweling her sister or the flesh-eating bacteria in _Cabin Fever_ \- her mind kept bringing up the image of Tori Vega. Sweet, innocent Tori Vega playing with herself. It was so irritating.

Finally, Jade gave up and crawled into bed, the TV still showing classic movies. Normally, once she reclined under the covers, she would be snoozing in less than ten minutes. But not tonight.

She realized she was wet and unconsciously excited. "Oh my God! No! It can't be! I'm not turned on by Vega. Or Vega masturbating!"

But she couldn't ignore the dampness between her thighs. Or the persistent images now filling her mind.

Jade finally gave up and began to stroke herself as she imagined Tori doing the same thing. Part of her mind wondered if Tori was still a virgin or… Suddenly, she was picturing Tori in her Officer Tedesco uniform with her father's old nightstick as she plunged the varnished, black shaft in and out of her mound.

"Oh God… Oh Jesus… OH GOD!" Jade cried as she came hard.

A discrete minute or two later, there was a knock on Jade's door. "Jade? Everything okay?"

"Y…yes! I'm fine. Just freaked out about…a project I…forgot about."

"Can I come in?"

"Um… Yeah. Sure... If you need to…"

Her mother entered and asked, "You sure? You never forget an assignment."

"Remember that diorama I was supposed to make in third grade?" In truth, Jade didn't want to make it, it was some cheesy homey scene from a Laura Ingalls' book.

"Well, okay… Guess you were due." She surreptitiously noted the aroma in the room and smiled inwardly. "So nothing about Tori Vega?"

Jade refused to meet her mother's eyes as she replied, "Well, she's assigned to the same project…"

Now Valerie knew Jade was lying. Her girl would never let such an assignment go without complaining about having to work with 'Vega' for an hour or more. At least.

She let it go, saying, "Well, nothing you can do about it now. Get some sleep, dear."

Before she closed her daughter's door, she added, "You know you can talk to me any time. About anything. Right?"

"Right," Jade muttered.

In the corridor, Valerie smiled and quietly said, "She's got it bad. She just needs to admit it outside of her head… If she's ready to admit it even there."

The older West began to shut down the house for the night, thinking, _Tori Vega… I like her. She'll be a good influence on Jade. Better by far than Beck._

 _Nice kid but he never really challenged her to improve. I actually think she got darker while she was dating him. With Tori, I think she'll lighten up. At least somewhat._

 _Then again, I'm not sure I can handle a bright and bubbly Jade. Cat's more than a handful on her occasional visits!_

Through the door, she called, "Try to keep the passion down, sweetie!"

"MOM!?"


	3. Chapter 3 The P Word

**The P Word**

Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Dinner plans get screwy.

Note: The first four chapters start with actual mis-texts posted on-line. The fifth chapter's opening is made up as I couldn't find a good example for the situation.

Kinda short but this seems to be a complete chapter anyway.

* * *

Tori: I know this may sound dumb but is placenta considered a gluten? Was thinking of making that with chicken.

Jade: Placenta?! Like from a human? WTF?!

Tori: OMG! Stupid spell check. Polenta.

* * *

"This dinner is gonna be fun!" Jade said sarcastically.

Tori and Jade wanted to have a dinner for their parents and Tori volunteered to cook. The pizza debacle their junior year notwithstanding, the girl was actually a good cook. _As long as spicy tuna isn't involved..._ Jade thought with a smile. In truth she actually liked the softball-sized rice and tuna concoction.

Looking at the text again, she had to say, "My girlfriend is such a dork! Guess that's why I lo… Oh god! I like her. That's it! I just like her!"

Since the whole problem with Beck back in high school, coupled with her parents' divorce years before, Jade refused to believe anyone could really love another person. It was the core of her personal credo.

"I like her! That's all!" Jade declared to an empty apartment. Then she admitted, "I do love the sex though."

Valerie West came by and let herself in. "You do? I should certainly hope so! Love with bad sex is horrible!"

"MOTHER!?"

"What? I knocked. You were too busy with your girlfriend." Tapping Jade's forehead lightly, Valerie had a wicked smile on her face, "What now?"

Jade handed over her phone.

"Oh my God! That's priceless!"

"I know, right?"

"But, if it had been you, I could believe the secret ingredient was placenta."

"MOM!?"

"So how is my future daughter-in-law?"

"Jeez Mom, we're just friends!"

"With benefits!" Valerie countered. _Benefits like love and support_ , she thought.

"Mom, that's just so…"

"Tawdry?"

"Yeah, okay, tawdry."

"Whatever you say, Jade. I still like her. You know, I'm not that old…"

"You're nearly 40!"

"Yeah, and one red-hot MILF, if I do say so myself. Maybe Tori would like a woman with experience!" Jade stood there staring in disbelief. "Nothing to say, sweetheart?"

"But you can't… I mean… Not Tori. I can't lose…" Jade shook her head and took on her more usual attitude, "But Dad!"

"I'm joking! Tori's a doll but I don't like girls that way. Well, not since college."

"God. Mom!" Jade said. "So what was that?"

"Me yanking your chain."

 _And almost getting you to admit you do love her._

"By the way, your father will be late. Court is still in session.

"Maybe Tori can help me feel less lonely," Val teased, really yanking on Jade's chain.

"MOM!?"


	4. Chapter 4 The B Word

**The B Word**

Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Two problems, one solved.

Note: The first four chapters start with actual mis-texts posted on-line. The fifth chapter's opening is made up as I couldn't find a good example for the situation.

* * *

Tori: Can you pick me up some boobsicles?

No. I meant boobsicles.

boobsicles

GOD DONKEY!

Jade: So that's 3 orders of boobsicles and one holy donkey. Anything else? ;)

* * *

Jade smirked at her phone. Nothing was better than Tori's texts and her attempts to correct them.

"Boobsicles won't be a problem," Jade said as she hefted her 'girls'. And they had popsicles in the freezer. "But a donkey…"

She quickly dialed her phone, "Hey, Cat? QUIET! Yes, this is Jade. Don't call me that! God… QUIET! Okay, now, in your collection of stuffies, do you have a donkey? You do? Great! I need to borrow it. Him… Alright, her!" She muttered, "Jeez… Not an it! God, that girl…"

Focusing on the voice over the phone, she cut into Cat's stream of conscious. "Cat. Cat. CAT! I also need a halo… Yeah, like on your Angel Barbie... I'll be there in a few minutes. For the donkey, Cat! Yes, the donkey! With a halo! Aluminum foil? Yeah, I guess so… However you do it, Cat." Jade told another of her white lies, "Yes, you'll get your donkey back!"

Jade kept saying, "Not your business! No. I'm not telling you… CAT!"

Valerie pulled up in front of their building as she saw Jade leaving. "Where are you going in such a rush?"

Jade grabbed her mother's hand and dragged her to the classic, black, '68 Charger, handing her the phone. "I'm going to Cat's!"

As Jade pulled out, Valerie quickly fastened her seat belt, "You know Steve McQueen isn't chasing you, dear."

Jade growled and Val laughed. "So how are you going to get a third order of Boobsicles?"

"MOM!?"

"Well, you did text her. And I know you both take those texts literally," Valerie laughed. "So, unless you mutated like that chick in the original _Total Recall_ …"

"God Mom, first _Bullitt_ and now old Schwarzenegger movies?"

"Never saw three boobs at one time anywhere else…"

"God, we do not have a normal mother-daughter relationship."

"I know. And I wouldn't change a thing!"

Jade glanced over and smiled, "Yeah, I guess I wouldn't either."

"So back to that third boobsicle…"

"MOM!?"


	5. Chapter 5 The L Word

**The L Word**

Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: The night before the big event.

Note: This chapter's opening is made up as I couldn't find a good example for the situation.

* * *

Tori: I'm getting murdered in the morning! Ding-dong, the bells are gonna chime!

Jade: Murdered? I hadn't planned that until the honeymoon but if you really want...

Tori: Married! Dang it!

Jade: So no murder?

Tori: NO!

Jade: Alright, just sex then.

Tori: Yes, sax and drags and rocking roles.

Dang it! Sax and drugs Ann…

Jade: Just give it up Vega. I'll see you in the morning. I love... Wait!

Who's Ann?

Tori: Live you Jade!

DAMN IT! Love you!

* * *

Jade fell back on the sofa, laughing. Her mother came up, "Tori texting again?"

The phone was handed over as Jade still sat back, snickering. There was a shared laugh then Valerie asked, "Are you ever going to show Tori how to shut off the automated spell check?"

"Why? Why would I? This is so much fun! And it's only partial payback for making me wear white!" Jade glared over at the white wedding gown with the black sash. It was the night before their wedding and both brides were following tradition and not seeing each other before they meet at the altar.

Hence, Tori was spending the night at the Vega home and Jade was at her home with her mother and father. Technically, her father was at La Guardia waiting for the red eye flight home. He stated he should be back home before 5 AM.

"I would've been fine with you in a black wedding dress but I do prefer the traditional. You looked beautiful at the fitting. Tomorrow, with your hair done and your makeup… You will be breathtaking!"

"So you're saying I'm horrific and ugly most of the time?!"

Sighing, Val asked, "You back on this? I thought you gave up on misreading between the lines years ago…"

Jade barked out a laugh, "Gotcha!"

"You… If I hadn't seen you from your birth to now, I'd start to wonder about some '666' birthmark on your body!"

"That'd be cool, Mom. But no birthmark compares to the fish on Tori's…backside."

"Aw, Jade…"

"Oh God, now what?"

"The tone of your voice when you mentioned Tori. It's so sweet. That's what tells me you do love her! Even if you've rarely say it."

"I have so! Just…not where anyone…could…hear…" The last said in a near-whisper.

"Jade, I know the answer but I'm asking anyway. Do you love Tori?"

"Of course I do! I wouldn't marry her if I didn't!"

"Have you told her? Other than texts or emails?" Jade sat there, pointedly not looking at her mother. "Have you, Jade?"

"Well, once or twice. But…"

"But what?" Jade didn't rise to the bait and call her Buttmunch. That showed Valerie how much this talk was bothering her daughter. Hopefully in a good way.

"Well, I agreed to a white dress."

"Yeah, your _The Scissoring_ replica…" Val snickered. "Then you demanded a black gown."

"But I agreed to a white one as long as I could wear a dark sash. Tori actually suggested black."

"So that's how you show you love her?"

"Yeah! Mom, this is getting irritating."

"My darling, I just want to make sure you are in this for real. Your father wasn't and you know what happened when you were in junior high."

"Yeah, but you got back together!"

"Yes, when he finally realized what he was missing," Val smirked before she went on. "You're missing the point, dear. Do you love Tori Vega?" Jade could only nod, her face bright red. "Jade, I know you do and I know you try your best to show it. But a girl likes to hear it once in a while."

Rather than respond, Jade grabbed her phone, hitting Tori's speed-dial. "Vega? Um, Tori. I just wanted to tell you I love you. Yes, it's me! No, there are no seed pods around my bed! God! I just wanted to say… I do love you. Someone told me I don't say it enough. And…I guess I don't. Even though I do. Love you, that is. I'm…looking forward to tomorrow. A lot." With a sigh, Jade went on, "Yes, even more than my first movie premier!"

She rolled her eyes then smiled, "No, I won't murder you. Well, not yet… I'm joking! You know? Then why… I am not rubbing off on you. If anything, you're rubbing off on me. NO! I'm not talking about…" Jade glanced over at her mother then hissed, "I'm not talking about sex!"

Valerie was fighting to keep from laughing even as she felt pride for her little girl admitting to such a basic human emotion – the best and brightest one. She smiled at the softer tone Jade took on as she finished the call.

"I love you Tori. I'm really looking forward to growing old and gray and feeble with you."

A few minutes later, she set the phone aside and said, "God. Mom. Between you and Vega, I'm getting soft."

"And why is that a problem?"

"I… I have a rep to maintain."

"Again, I ask why?"

Jade's phone rang. "What? Dad? You are? Great! I'm so glad…" She held the phone away and said, "He's in the air and due in at LAX by 3:30 this morning!"

"Good, James. I knew you'd make it to take our little girl down the aisle," Valerie whispered. Then she saw the look on her daughter's face. Almost as happy as when she told Tori how she really felt.

"I'm so happy you'll be here! Walk me down the aisle? Of course! Who else? I am not getting soft! DAD!? I…lo…love you too."

Valerie grabbed Jade's phone to say, "They will be one of the great, if unsung, married couples ever!"

Jade heard her and said, "Oh, no unsung! There will be singing."

Val snickered, "Yeah, tomorrow night in the honeymoon suite!"

"MOM!?"


End file.
